i love collage

Here's a really bad badfic - i love collage. As you can see, the writer didn't even bother to capitalize its title.

Disclaimer: We do not own the story, or any of its spelling errors. Just for your information, all these sentences were one by one. No paragraphing in the story whatsoever.

Summary: Bella goes to collage to meet the school hottie Edward . they meet at the dance and sparks fly and they get together but what happens when bella sees Edward breaking up with his girl but she thinks its something else.

Joel: I thought collage was art.

BPV

Crow: Bella pointy vane?

I had arrived at my dorm and my roommates were already there .

Joel: Tense much?

HI! I’m Alice! “ a little pixie like girl said “and im Rosalie “ said a stunning blond

Joel: Im lil' Joel and Im stunning blonde.
Crow: And I'm Crow.

"hello im bella “ I said

Crow: Punctuation has fled from the horrible monstrosity.
Joel: It was too frightened of it to be there.
Crow: I would be too.

“I know lets play a game to know each other better !” said alice

Joel: Like... strip poker?
Crow: Yay! Let's play house! You can be the mummy, I'll be the daddy, and you'll be the baby!

At the end I found out that Rosalie has a twin brother named jasper, she lived with their aunt when their parents died in a air plane crash and alice has two brothers Edward and Emmet and that she lived with her parents .

Joel: So Jasper's stunning blonde, too?
Crow: What game did you play, exactly?
Joel: Hide and seek.
Crow: And they found out all that info?

“lets go to the food court “said Rosalie once she came out her room . we all had a room for ourselves .

Crow: The food court has rooms?

Alice and I got Chinese

Crow: Slaves

and Rosalie got pasta . we sat with Rosalie’s twin, jasper

Joel: We already knew that. Jasper the stunning blonde.

“Hey over here !” Alice screamed to a big muscled guy and and a bronzed haired one .

Joel: Very descriptive.

We all sat together after we introduced ourselves their was silence . until I broke the silence

Crow: And silence screams in pain after being broken.
Joel: So you decided to begin seducing them... now?

“does anybody want candies or something from the candie shop over there “I said as I got up

Crow: Candie... I want a candie too. Though not the variety of candie called a candy.
Joel: Way to go for awkward conversations, but I thought this was a food court, why's there a candie shop?

Alice – jaw breakers

Crow: Alice is a jaw breaker?
Joel: *Jaw drops*
Crow: *Alice breaks it*

Jasper-gum

Joel: Dentist much?

Rosalie-chocolate

Emmet –sweat tarts

Crow: Eew! Sweat tarts!
Joel: I suppose that's a new flavour?

a/n=to lazy to put it in dialogue

Joel: It's a wonder you weren't too lazy to write this. I mean, the world would have been better off.

“ill go with you.” Said Edward

Joel: Naturally.
Crow: Only Edward Cullen would ask 'ill' to go with someone. Although I'm sure 'ill' is nice to be around with, I don't think I would like something sick hanging around.
Joel: Then again, Edward Cullen is just a sculpture, so why should this surprise us?

“alright “ I was kinda speech less that this greek god wanted to go with me

Joel: Of course he wanted to go with you, I mean, you seduced him, what, a few minutes ago? And, of course, you created him.
Crow: I never knew that Edward Cullen belonged to the ranks of Zeus, Hera and Athena. I must be ill-informed.

“So can I see your schedule “

Joel: In the art of seduction, schedules are important.

I handed it over

Joel: You'd have handed your virginity over if he asked.

EPV

Crow: Edward pickled vase.

“we have PE science , English, and math together “ I smiled I liked bella even though I just meet her , I liked her .

Joel: That's because you're blind, and you were created by her. Oh, and because you're OOC. Even in character, you were pretty blind. I mean, Bella? Nuh-uh.

“cool”she said with a smile .her smile made me smile

Joel: Above.

BPV

Crow: Bella pointy vane.

Edward was fine. We got all the candies and started to walk back . I saw alice was talking so I wanted to hear what she was saying so I ran but slipped .

Joel: Fine? Of course. Well, didn't want to miss out on the gossip, huh?
Crow: Fine? What happened to all the greek god-yness and adonis-ity?

I shut my eyes tight waiting for the impact then I realized it didn’t come so I opened my eyes to meet to pair of green ,beautiful eyes . Edward had caught me with one hand around my waist .

Joel: Harry Potter saves the day. I thought Edward had topaz... no, onyx eyes?
Crow: I thought they were smoldering topazes.

I was speechless because of the beautiful sight .

Joel: You are speechless because a statue has just molested you?
Crow: Hm... I suppose the great wall is pretty, the pyramids of egypt are pretty... a marble statue called Edward is pretty...
Joel: So are crows.

“you okay.” He asked me

Crow: I think I missed the question.
Joel: Was that a question?

“I think so.”

I was standing but Edward didn’t release my waist.

Crow: Because I am magnetic!
Joel: Now we know how much of a pervert he is.

that was chapter one remember my first fan fic so i need comments/reviews and i already have next capie but i dont really know how to put them up so its a miricle i have this

Joel: It's more of a miracle they didn't remove it.
Crow: I do remember your first fanfic. It was written way back in 1915, wasn't it?

bye bye!!

Joel: I'd hoped not to see you again.
Crow: Bye~ See you later, alligator.

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That's the end of the first chapter of i love collage. Now you know how much it sucks. To read it, click here.